The Balancing Act: Awakening Psi-Vamps and Feeding
Written by: Michelle Belanger
Feeding and need are probably two of the biggest challenges a newly awakened psi-vamp must struggle with. For the newly Awakened, it often feels as if the hunger for energy is an overwhelming fire that threatens to consume one from within. This letter, written to a newly Awakened psi-vamp, addresses crucial issues of balance, energy maintenance, and feeding in a compassionate and ethical way.
Awakening is a special period, a crucial period of adjustment where every aspect of what you are will seem heightened beyond your ability to bear it. Awakening is where any sense of the glamour of being a vampire is stripped away, and you come to the crashing realization that this is a real need that impacts you on profound levels and that you will have to deal with for the rest of your life.
That’s not to say that no good can ultimately come from what you are and the talents this opens up in you. However, as you stand at the very threshold of awareness and acceptance, the first things you will be aware of are pain, suffering, hypersensitivity, and intense inner struggle. It is only by coming through this trial by fire and coming to terms with the bad parts of what you are that you will begin to learn how to harness the good parts of your nature.
The alternative to this is something we see at work with certain elements within the vampire community. Some who Awaken to their nature never seem to get past the "dark side" of vampirism. Rather than learning to find their inner strength, they focus solely on the negative side of vampirism. Such lost individuals wear the pain, angst, and inner struggle of the newly Awakened like some sort of badge that makes them more special than anybody else. The real tragedy here is that, in embracing only their pain, they never truly learn to harness the transformative power to which that pain serves as merely a door.
When you are first adjusting to a conscious awareness of your hunger, you may find that you need to feed much more often than every two weeks. Going without feeding for a week or even a day can start to have seriously negative repercussions on your system. Part of this arises from the fact that you’re simply not accustomed to dealing with an awareness of hunger, and so every little sensation is amplified by its very newness.
Another part of the greater need often experienced during awakening and adjustment involves a learning curve. The more you feed consciously, the better you become at it. Over time, you learn to feed more efficiently, making each exchange count. You also learn naturally to process the energy more efficiently. This allows you not only to store energy between feedings but also to use the energy you have more effectively between feedings so you’re not running yourself low constantly.
A lot of this learning curve hinges on becoming aware of what your specific needs are, how you tend to expend energy, and what situations will push you past your limits of coping energetically. Some of it is also learning the right attitudes toward feeding and need. My best advice for feeding as efficiently as possible is to do so very consciously and with focused intent. Do not feed for the mere sensation, and do not feed simply to make the pain of hunger go away. Approach the exchange as something meaningful and sacred, honor what passes between you and your donor, and you will find that you get more out of the experience overall.
In time, you will learn that certain situations and certain environmental conditions will impact your levels of need. As an example, I have always had trouble with traveling. Travel requires me to move from a safe and established center of energy to energetic situations that are unfamiliar and, at times, overwhelming. Psychic vampires, by their nature, are highly sensitive to energy of all sorts, and the shift in energy from a rural setting to a city is a huge change for one’s senses to cope with. Given that we are also all empathic, there is suddenly all this new energy from people to deal with, and the feel of the collective energy of people is distinctly different from city to city.
Even though you may have no conscious awareness of how things feel back in your familiar setting, you have still adjusted unconsciously, and a part of you knows just what to expect energetically. Getting picked up and unceremoniously dumped into a completely new environment, suddenly you must become conscious of the energetic backdrop of a place, the feel of the people, the energy in the land, and how various other environmental aspects impact the flow and tides of energy. I find this adjustment very draining, and until very recently, I could not travel without draining myself to the point of illness within a few days.
Some vampires also experience this kind of reaction to a change in seasons, climate, or even the cycle from night to day. You have observed this in me as well. Our systems vary, but we all have specific situations that can impact how we process energy. Don Henrie gets drained more quickly in the cold. I get wiped out when I have to deal with heat. Over time, you will learn what energetic tides you are most sensitive to, and you will learn when you need to brace yourself for change. As you learn what situations tend to overwhelm you energetically, you will also begin to learn how to prepare yourself for those situations, mitigating the overall impact on your health.
A lot of a psi-vamp’s development in the early stages of awakening is about balance and learning how to most efficiently address energetic needs. Once you’ve learned where your boundaries and limits lie, then you may begin experimenting with the techniques that allow you to function best within those boundaries, honing your particular experience of psi-vampirism into a manageable one.